April 21, 2024

Cutting Class (1989) Brad Pitt
Yes, it’s the one with Brad Pitt in that slasher movie set in high school. He plays Dwight Ingalls, the jock whose girlfriend won’t sleep with him unless he manages to improve his grades. It basically summed up 1980s culture.

But Brad has some competition, with two other characters having eyes for his girl. That starts with the stranger loner dude recently let out of a mental institution. Not to be outdone, the creepy principle, played by the always weird and wonderful Roddy McDowell, also has his sights set on her. One ends up dead and sees his real-life career soon on its way to pastures nowhere.

Parasite (1982) Demi Moore
Demi Moore was a mere 20-years-old when starring in her first major film, Parasite. The movie was a 3D horror mash-up set in the future. It’s about a scientist who develops a killer parasite he then decides he wants to destroy. A grimy low-budget movie from the incomparable Charles Bland. Moore isn’t awful here, but she fails too bring the gravitas required by the role. It’s a role, in fact, that Wikipedia once termed a “pretty young lemon grower”. Now, that’s some imaginative writing.

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007) Ray Liotta
This isn’t the only movie featuring Liotta that is a bona fide candidate for this list. However, as Uwe Boll was also involved, it made sense to include this particular atrocity. This sort-of adaption of a video game features Liotta as a bad-guy wizard called Gallian. His costume, professing to be medieval, actually consists of a H&M dress shirt and a leather Fonzie jacket.

Leprechaun (1993) Jennifer Aniston
Leprechaun still ranks as the No.1 St. Patrick’s Day horror flick. It was also the first feature film appearance by Jennifer Aniston. In fact, that’s really the only reason why anyone (and by anyone, I mean Jennifer Aniuston fans) would go back and watch this movie. She plays the teenage lead Tory Redding, a girl from the city who is transplanted into the country.

Aniston wasn’t actually bad in the film; maybe a little overboard, but then that was the nature of Leprechaun. In fact, her performance just might be the best on the entire kist. She plays your standard valley girl and a total ditz. The enormous heels she wears when going to look at her home in the desert are a classic fashion choice. Just one year before first oppeared in a prettty well-known sit-com in a wedding dress seeking solace from her old bestie, Monica Geller.

Tale of the Mummy (1998) Gerard Butler
There’s no dressing up the fact that this British-American mummy movie from the late 90s is simply terrible. Butler’s most Scottish of accents almost makes it feel like you’re watching the prequel to Braveheart. In fact, there’s little else to say about this one. Accent aside, Butler’s acting is as shocking as the flick itself.